Finding perspective

I am a very independent person. Oh and strong willed too. But I have to say that marriage has been good to me. I have learned to lean on and trust Monte. In turn it has effected my spiritual relationship in the same ways. I know I still have a long way to go, but looking back on the last nine years at least I have made progress!

Yesterday was heart breaking. It was not the news we were expecting and we were both very disappointed. I don't think you can mentally prepare for the road blocks in adoption. But it is the way you handle them that is important. It was so hard waiting 10 weeks at the top of the list for a referral. It was hard seeing others get court dates and us having to wait two more weeks for the news. It was hard not passing court the first time. It was hard getting the call that said that we did need a new court date and we had to wait. It is hard knowing that the other families that received a referral on the same day as us leave next week to get their children.

This verse kept coming to mind last night.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

I find so much comfort in this verse. He knows how much we want our girls home. I may not understand all the reasons why we keep getting delayed, but I need to be content. I need to put my independence aside and lean on God. Truly lean on him!

Our pastor preached on faith last week and it really spoke to me. One thing he said was, Believe God. Do not just believe in God.

Time is going by too fast...

When I was pregnant with Isaac I got a lot of parenting advice. I didn't mind this because I knew everyone was wanting to help as I prepared for parenthood. I do remember the most common words were, enjoy them while they are young because they grow up fast. I honestly didn't believe it. My thoughts were, you have them in your house for 18 years, that is forever (at the time I was only 24).


As the years go by, I am realizing that they were right. I try not to let it make me sad, but it does. I no longer have a newborn, infant or toddler, I have a preschooler and TWO school age kids. Last night I looked at Isaac and he looked very grown up and I wondered where the time has gone. They do grow up fast and I am so thankful to God for blessing me with three great boys! Even on the bad days I still love being a mom, their mom.

I took these pictures of the boys at a wild life park in Maine. All the animals are native to Maine and we just had a great time! Even though I lived my first 18 years of life in Maine, I learned a whole lot.

Green Smoothies

Last week when I did my budget busters I tagged Michelle. One of her busters was spending too much on her green smoothies. I was like, “green WHAT?” So I looked into it and I was amazed. I went out the next day and got all the things I needed. In one glass of my green smoothie I get FIFTEEN, yes 15 servings of fruits and vegetables. My boys still are not in love with them, so I keep trying new ingredients with theirs.

This is what I use in my smoothies: raw spinach, kale and many fruits (banana, apple, strawberries, raspberries). I have done some reading and I leave the steams on the strawberries (they have TONS of nutrients).

If you are going to go to her site, I suggest that you watch the video on the first page. She'll tell you what she puts in the smoothie. I just use the $40 blender that we have and it works fine, so far.

Monte thinks I am crazy, but it honestly tastes good or I wouldn't do it. I know I am treating my body well by getting in so many servings of fruits and vegetables. I haven’t been spending a lot on them either.

I don't want to miss anything!

Today in Indiana the spring rains are coming down. I thought it was a perfect day to grab a blanket, cuddle on the coach with my three sons and watch are favorite movie. Our favorite is any of our many home videos. I find it is a wonderful way to connect with the boys. I often tell them about what they were like when they were little and the cute things they did, but this is a good way for them to see themselves in "real life". I treasure these little tapes. I treasure the time that I have with my children.

I know having them so close to together made me miss so much of the little stuff. I was too focused on just surviving and unable to take it all in. I wish I was able to go back and relive it. I would do a lot of things different. But I think if I were to ask any mom, no matter their circumstances, they would all say the same. Mom's tend to be filled with guilt by nature. We are not perfect by any means, but I know with Mother's Day on Sunday, I plan on taking it all in.

Even the little things...

I don't want to miss the day when I realized their fat fingers turned into big kid hands.
I don't want to miss kissing their boo boos.
I don't want to miss the look on their face when they accomplished something big.
I don't want to miss tucking them in because they asked me too.
I don't want to miss reading that book... just one more time.
I don't want to miss cuddling on the coach and talking.
I don't want to miss a "Mommy, I love you."
I don't want to miss anything. I want to stop thinking that surviving is more important and when I am surviving that means getting a load of laundry done, unloading the dishwasher or vacuuming.
I don't want to miss anything.
Happy Mother's Day.