OK... seriously, I have the greatest friends in the world. Thank you so much for your support and prayers. I will try to keep you more updated on how we all are doing from here on out.
I feel like I can you all anything now... so here I go! ;)
When we first got home from Ethiopia I LOVED to dress the girls alike. But after a while the comments and questions got on my nerves. I am not around adults a lot since I stay at home, so I usually love to have a conversation with a stranger. These conversations have become painful though. Here are a couple of examples...
Random Person: "Are they twins?"
Me: "Yes"
RP: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes, I am sure."
Random Person: "Are they twins?"
Me: "Yes"
RP: "That is the first set of twins I have been able to tell apart."
Me: "They're fraternal twins."
Keep in mind. This didn't just happen twice, but every time we were out in public. EVERY TIME! I love when people ask about my family and ask about adoption, but I don't care to have an argument about whether or not my girls are in fact twins. Do you know what is even crazier... there is a common denominator. All the comments have been from Caucasians.
With African Americans it is a totally different story. My girls could be in totally different outfits and an African American will come right up to us and say, "They are twins, aren't they?" Do you know how refreshing that is? I love it! So, recently I have been wondering why on earth white people don't get it. I think I have the answer. I believe that fraternal twins are more common in the African American culture. Sounds right, doesn't it? Either that or Caucasians just didn't listen in biology class, ever.
Another thing I have really enjoyed are the questions we have gotten from the African Americans. Most have no problem asking me about the girls and I, in turn, have no problem telling them about adoption. I would rather them ask me than just stare and whisper (we have gotten that too). We really haven't gotten a lot of questions. Most people just say, "You sure do have your hands full." I just respond with, "I am blessed!"
It is Ethiopian culture to dress twins alike for six years, but I think this is one tradition I am going to have to break. I will dress them alike at times, but not everyday. Plus, it saves money and the girls end up with a lot more clothes!
9 comments:
Hang in there :) really who cares if folks dont think they look like twins? I think they are perfect and I personally would dress them alike ;) i think it would be so fun. The dumb comment I have recd several times since T came home is "oh, your a foster mother?" or "oh they are foster kids?"
AAHHH! that is the only comment that has ever rubbed me wrong..
We had the opposite experience. When the boys came home, they were 17 months apart in age, but only 4 pounds and 4 inches apart in size. Everywhere we went, people asked if they were twins. People over every race. LOL.
I do think this, though: Every race is in tune with the physical features of their race. So, while the white people who are asking the questions are only able to see the differences between your girls (their sizes and some of their physical traits), I bet that African Americans are more able to see the similarities.
But I hear you on the questions. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I definitely do NOT. :) Like Maria, I've gotten the foster care question, among many others...don't you want your own kids? can't you have your own kids? are they real brothers?
I try always to respond with grace because I know most questions are out of simple ignorance. Sometimes it's harder than others.... :)
Sorry. I think some people are just - well you know- um - well- they don't get it!!! Sorry. Hey, we have 2 boys who are not quite a year apart (bio brothers) and people always asked for the longest time if they were twins. Again- I would say no, oh well they look like it...to which I would reply they aren't quite a year apart.....
On a side note I like to dress all of our kids alike at least once a week if not more :) I just like it. Crazy mom that I am :)
i can't believe the "are you sure?" comments. UGH!
my sister has twins who don't even look like brothers, let alone twins. a family friend upon getting to know them said "I expected to be charmed by their likeness, but what is so charming are their differences." i have loved that they have the "twin thing", but also their "own thing" since they are fraternal.
they are darling whether dressed alike or differently!
Tish, when I would take the triplets out, all the crazies would come out of the woodwork!! I can totally relate to you. They would ask me if they were identical...uh no, they are 2 boys and a girl so ... I tried to be gracious, but after the thousandth time of hearing I'm glad they are yours and not mine ( meeeee toooo) I knew I had to just smile and walk on!
oh sister i feel your pain, it is hard, people just can't help themselves, i agree, don't dress them the same and just say yes to whatever, praying for you, email me anytime tdq88@aol.com, we can compare notes!!!
I'm asked every day if my girls are twins..they are 21 months apart and EVERY day i'm asked it, but i guess it doesn't matter because they aren't :) Now, i get the "hands full" comment EVERY DAY too...We just know we're a freak show when we go out in public and try to enjoy it....Ok, so beautiful post below...You wrote it so well...thanks for sharing your honesty!! take care and hang in there...my girls don't want to dress alike anymore..oh, break my heart :) kj
People are idiots! I understand your frustrations with rude comments. You are right. . . save the money and let them rotate the outfits.
;)
Your post made me think of my friend's facebook page. She has 8 kids (some of whom are adopted and fosters) and it says "Yes they are all mine. Yes my hands are full, but so is my heart." I think that is just the best response!
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