In March of 2004 I attended a women’s meeting at our church where a member shared her story of growing up as a missionary child in China. While she spoke my heart became burdened for China. This ignited my desire to adopt once again. The fact that I even entertained the thought of adoption while being pregnant is a miracle in itself. I thought we would be done after having three children, but God is so much bigger and better than any plan we have for ourselves. China had mostly girls that needed to be adopted and if we were to adopt I wanted to have a girl.
After having our own children, Monte wasn’t immediately on board with the thought of adoption. God quickly worked on his heart and within a month he agreed that it is a great plan for our family. He would have a whole football team of children if I agreed, so he loved the idea of having more. We started looking into Chinese adoption. At the time I had just turned 27 and we quickly learned China would not let you start the adoption process until you are 29 ½. So we waited the 2 ½ years and started the process on the day I turned 29 ½, September of 2006.
We were three months into the process and still didn’t have anything done. Everything that needed to get done was taking forever and it was frustrating (but now I know why). I got an email from our adoption agency in early December and in the subject line was, China's New Qualifications. I didn’t read the email at first because there was no way these changes would effect us, we were suppose to adopt! It was a day or so later when I finally read the email and come to find out one of the rules did apply to us. Our world was shaken. We prayed, talked about it and a week after the news we withdrew our application to adopt from China. We really had no other choice, because everything had gone so slow up to this point, we were worried we couldn’t get the paperwork done in time. The deadline was April 1st and if we went a day over we would be out tens of thousands of dollars and still not have our little girl. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil after the withdrawal. I knew adoption was still for us, but was questioning God a lot. I don’t believe that God would give someone the heart to adopt and then disappoint them with no child.
Could it be it wasn’t God’s perfect timing? Could it be that we rushed into it thinking it was God’s will? Wouldn’t be the first time. We decided not to make any decisions for one year and see if China changed any of its rules. January of 2008 we looked again at Chinese adoption and the requirements had not changed. I was prepared for this and knew it would be the end of our China journey. God knows who our child is and where they are from, but it became clear that our child was not in China. I still have such a heart for China and I think it is a wonderful program for those who qualify.
We are now resting in the Father’s arms, praying for answers and waiting for the right time. We trust He’ll show us and we believe He is doing that currently. God has been working on my heart so much during the last year. I have had my heart set on a girl for some time now, but I have learned something recently. The Lord is in control and His plan is better than mine. So it may be that He doesn’t want us to have a girl, but I think it is more that He wants me to rely on Him 100% and believe that His will is the only thing I want and need. All I know is that God is not done with this family, we are not complete yet and we are asking our Lord to show us the way.
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